What causes low Self-Esteem in children?
1.
Faulty Child Rearing Practices:
Overprotection
·
Overprotected
children find it difficult to become independent, to trust and respect their
own judgment. These children do not learn coping skills, since their parents do
not allow them to handle normal stress and see the world for what it is
·
They
are afraid of making mistakes, get hurt easily, find it difficult to defend
themselves and sometimes hide behind an overly confident appearance
Neglect
·
Children
who are not cared for physically and psychologically often experience feelings
of worthlessness, seldom develop independence and lack self-respect - this becomes even worse when there is a
lack of approval from others
Perfectionism
·
Parents
often expect children to be perfect, i.e. to only display strengths and no
weaknesses - the children feel incompetent and can’t live up to the standards
that their parents set for them
·
Fear
of failure prevents them even from trying a little harder and longer
Autocratic and punishing
attitudes
·
Some
parents communicate total power (domination) over their children - in the
process there is little positive interaction and mutual respect in the
relationship
·
Excessive
or unjust punishment prevents a child from developing a positive self-esteem
·
The
most destructive form of punishment is displayed when a father is demanding and
authoritarian towards his son
Critical and
disapproving attitudes
·
Whenever
a child feels that he is being rejected and criticized in everything he says or
does, he will develop feelings of worthlessness and give up trying even before
he starts
·
Blame
from adults result in the “naughty” self-image of a child: the child behaves
badly and thus confirms his image of being "bad"
·
The
approval of teachers also plays a major role in the development of a
self-esteem, if the teacher displays excessive disapproval the child is likely
to develop a poor self-esteem; he may also behave badly since that is what the
teacher (and everyone else?) expects of him
2.
Modelling
·
Parents
with a low self-esteem treat their children with the same lack of respect they
have for themselves - the children therefore do not grow up in an atmosphere
where people feel good about themselves
·
Children
who grow up in such conditions tend to display similar behaviours
- Being different or handicapped
·
Children
who appear much different than others usually experience a low self-esteem and
often anger towards themselves
·
The
same pattern occurs with handicapped children, often in a more intense manner
since the physical proof of not being normal is always present - note that
"handicapped" in this context may also refer to minor handicaps, e.g.
impaired vision or a hearing problem
- Learned irrational beliefs
·
Irrational
beliefs often develop at home because of aspects such as modelling, and the
other faulty child rearing practices previously described
·
Children
with a low self-esteem believe they are incapable of handling situations (even
routine ones!) and the daily aspects of their lives
·
Young
children do not have yet the judgment and have not learnt to separate negative
comments and behaviour from their personality – all negative comments are seen
as part of their personalities and of them "being bad".
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