Discipline ~ How to set limits and rules
- Communicate the limits – this must be done when peace reigns,
not when your child has just breached a rule. It must be clear what is
expected. Prevention is better than cure!
- Let your child have a say – compromise and then buy in is
important.
- Be consistent – if the rule says no TV until homework is
completed, then it must be like that every day. Don’t give in just because
you are tired!
- Be fair – don’t add extra consequences above those agreed.
Follow through and renegotiate consequences that are not working another
time.
- Don’t forget your values – different families do things
differently. Don’t be taken in by, “But at Luke’s house we are allowed
to…”
·
The desired outcome of any disciplinary action
should be that the child:
- Recognizes and
acknowledges the mistake
- Takes responsibility for
the mistake
- Accepts the consequences
and understands the reason for the consequences.
- Sincerely wants to change
his/her behaviour
·
Most
important!
- The consequence must fit
the crime
- Do not threaten that
which you cannot deliver
- Negotiate
- Be consistent
·
Active
listening
- An important skill for parents to master
is "active listening." When parents listen actively, they send
children the message that they are important enough to have the parent's
undivided attention.
- Many problems can be solved and even
prevented when parents take the time to use active listening.
- Importantly, when parents are active listeners, they are able to guide children to solve problems for themselves.
- How to be an active listener:
- Stop what you are doing.
- Look at your child.
- Give your full attention.
- Listen to what is said.
- Comment on what you think you heard.
·
Learn to
fall back and regroup
o
Parenting
is not a direct science. There are no specific steps that will always produce a
positive result.
o
A
parenting technique or skill may work in family and not in another, with one child
but not the other.
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